I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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