I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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