Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
