I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
