Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
