We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
