my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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