I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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