I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
