he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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