at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do vagina's smell?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
