I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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