Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My hand turned me down
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
