just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
