you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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