i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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