problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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