ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
