I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
