who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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