So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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