And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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