good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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