i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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