Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
