My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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