I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
