It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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