so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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