i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
