Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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