she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm passing your future prison.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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