I have demons in me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize