I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
