i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
