Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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