I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
