Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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