So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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