And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
