i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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