best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
