There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
