Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
