What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
