Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
