thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
