Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
