just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize