There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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