i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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