Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize