It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize