No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
