we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
