so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
