i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
smell my finger.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
