my room smells like sperm. sweet.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
