Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
