I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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