What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
