you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
