hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
