we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
