why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
