I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
