I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
