I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
