yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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