Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hippo gnu deer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
