You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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