Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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