Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
