I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
