haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
