just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize