I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
