she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
