dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
