I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
