it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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