yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
