I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
