and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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