I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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