Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
