I think I died a long time ago.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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