I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
