she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
