Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it because I queefed?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
