I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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