I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
