No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
