did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
