shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
