Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
