so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
