in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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